25 cosas de mí:
1. Nací en Strasbourg, Francia el 13 de Febrero de 1979, de padres Argentinos. No hablo el Francés fluido, pero si con el Inglés y el Español. De todos modos, algo me defiendo. Cuando cumplí 3 años, nos mudamos a Collonges, al sur de Francia, donde mi padre enseñó Teología.
2. El ministerio está en toda mi familia. Mi bisabuelo materno fue pastor y misionero alemán del Ejército de Salvación (Salvation Army) y fue a sudamérica para abrir iglesias en Uruguay y Argentina. Ambos de mis abuelos fueron pastores, así también como mi padre y también mi esposo.
3. Tengo 2 hermanos menores a quienes amo mucho: Dany y Roy. También estoy contenta de que se agrandó la familia y cada uno me dio cuñadas: Marla y Nati.
4. Mi niñez consistió en mudanzas cada 1 a 3 años. Viví en Puerto Rico, California, y luego en una casa rodante por todo un año. Los 5 paseamos y vivimos de costa a costa en los EEUU y en México mientras mi padre daba conferencias en las iglesias. Al final de ese año, me bauticé. Eso fue hasta que, cansados, luego de un año, nos establecimos en Columbia, Maryland, y mi madre consiguió un trabajo como secretaria del departamento de educación en la Conferencia General. Luego, cuando cumplí 14 años, mi padre me mandó a Argentina para que no olvidara mis raíces. Cada vez que volvía a visitar a mis padres, ellos se habían mudado: vivimos en Maryland, Colombia (Sudamérica), Florida EEUU, Nueva York, Massachussets y Georgia.
5. Vida en Argentina: Recuerdo esta parte de mi vida como la más estable. Viví casi 13 años allí, mayormente con mis abuelos, a quienes terminé considerándolos no como mis abuelos, sino como mis padres ya que me criaron y me dieron lo que mi vida tanto necesitaba. Si, fui un poco mal criada, pero me ayudaron mucho a crecer y prosperar emocionalmente. Tenía gran apoyo de ellos y contención cosa que antes la tenía en bastante menor escala. Me criaron en mi adolescencia, y digo que me salvaron. Si hubiese quedado con mis padres en EEUU, tal vez me habría echado a perder.
6. Terminé mi secundario y estudios universitarios en la Universidad Adventista del Plata, Argentina. Me grade de Licenciada en Enfermería. Luego volví a los EEUU y rendí mis equivalencias donde luego trabaje como Registered Nurse en los estados de Georgia, New Mexico, Florida, pero mi mayor experiencia fue en Oregon.
7. Aun mientras estaba en el secundario, en el 5to y último año, Dios nos mostró de que Angel León y yo seríamos el uno para el otro, compañeros de por vida. Ese fue el día que Dios nos habló, pero es muy larga la historia como para contarla aquí. En otro momento será contada. Luego de noviar 2 años y 2 meses nos casamos. Aunque no somos perfectos (nadie lo es), puedo decir que mi vida ha sido más feliz y mejor que antes de casarme. El 29 de noviembre pasado, ¡celebramos nuestros 10 años de casados!!! 8. En el 2003, luego de nuestra graduación en el 2002, (Angel como Licenciado en Teología), nos fuimos de misioneros a la reserva de los Indios Návajo en “La Vida Mission”, New Mexico, EEUU, en medio del desierto pelado. Fuimos padres guardianes de 7 niños indios Návajos, a quienes llegamos a amar mucho. También ayudé en la clínica de la zona y Angel fue encargado del vivero y las verduras al igual que algunos programas en la escuela e iglesia. Fue una experiencia muy desafiante ante una cultura tan distinta y tan oprimida en medio de la nada. Pero aprendimos mucho. Todavía extrañamos ese lugar, deseando volver a visitarlo algún día.
9. Luego de vivir 9 meses en Oregon, y vuelta a la Argentina, mis últimos 2 años allí en la UAP fueron bastante duros, mientras Angel terminaba su título de Educación Física, y otros títulos en Teología. En primer lugar, mi salud se convirtió en una gran batalla de alergias e intolerancias comestibles, (no podía comer casi nada en el 2004). Luego en el 2005, algunos miembros de mi familia y algunos parientes paternos y yo entramos en dolorosas discordias. Llegó a haber violencia verbal, emocional, espiritual, y en un caso, violencia física. Las heridas así creadas fueron tan profundas, que todavía me mantengo distanciada de ellos. No les he vuelto a hablar, ya van para 4 años. El dolor sufrido no solo me afectó a mí, sino a mi esposo, que por ser de otra raza, ligo varios ataques. También sufrieron mis abuelos, quienes como ancianos, no podían defenderse. Hice lo que pude por ellos, pero mis alas fueron cortadas. Se que este dolor la llevó a mi abuela a la tumba prematuramente en el 2008. Fueron las secuelas. Fue un horror despegarme de ellos en el 2005, que tanto me habían defendido a costas de su propia salud. Tuve que volver a los EEUU para encontrar paz, sanación y alivio y tomar distancia de los agresores. De todos modos, mi abuela murió en paz confiando en el Señor que Él arreglaría el caos familiar. La forma en que murió y sus últimas palabras, fueron el mejor regalo que me pudo dar.
10. Los años 2005 y 2006 fueron los más duros de mi vida mientras luchaba contra la depresión al punto que tuve miedo de llegar a lastimarme. Mi familia estaba quebrada. Algunos otros parientes y los consejeros a quienes vi, me recomendaron no ir a los casamientos de mis hermanos. Tuve la advertencia de que se aprovecharía el momento de la reunión para “arreglar cuentas” y “tomar medidas” (??) hacia mí. Yo necesitaba sanar, no ponerme en riesgo nuevamente. Aunque mis hermanos no comprendieron la completa situación, les estoy eternamente agradecida por decidir no tomar esto en contra mía, y perdonar mi ausencia en tan importante evento en sus vidas.
11. Hacia fines del 2006, venía la sanación en camino. Dios hizo otro milagro y tuvimos un llamado para trabajar en www.projectpatch.org , un lugar de tratamiento psicológico y psiquiátrico para jóvenes atormentados y en riesgo, creado por un pastor Adventista: Pr. Tom Sanford (vease su libro “Wounded Healer”). Al trabajar con estos jóvenes, cuyas historias suelen ser mucho más intensas que las nuestras, fuimos forzados a ver nuestros propios traumas y heridas y lidiar con ellos para sanar. Y así, mientras veíamos a los jóvenes sanar, también sanábamos nosotros.
12. A través de PATCH, consejería, charlas con otros pastores, redes de apoyo entre amistades, y libros de auto-ayuda, pudimos aprender los siguientes conceptos para nuestra propia sanación: Vivimos en un mundo disfuncional, por lo tanto, cada familia es disfuncional, algunos más que otros, pero todos tienen problemas de tanto en tanto. Algunos problemas son discapacitantes, otros más fáciles de sanar y sobrellevar. Quien no quiere reconocer esto, vive en negación o supresión, una forma de vivir muy insalubre, como los fariseos.
13. Antes de poder comenzar el proceso del perdón, debía comprender lo siguiente: -culpa verdadera, versus, culpa falsa, - el perdón no es lo mismo que la reconciliación pues son 2 conceptos muy distintos, - el perdonar y olvidar es un mito, una disfunción total que la mayoría de los cristianos sostiene. El olvidar el pasado nunca sana el dolor con sus consecuencias. El pasado ha hecho la persona de hoy. Olvidarlo, solo te encerrará en más negación y te embarcará en otro enredoso ciclo abusivo disfuncional; la cual, si sigues pensando así, no podrás salir nunca. – El perdón no tiene nada que ver con escusar al agresor, tiene que ver con tu propia persona: el poder liberarte del enojo y la amargura y del dolor discapacitante y poder volver a experimentar la paz y la alegría nuevamente. No se puede perdonar a alguien de una vez por todas; dependiendo de la severidad del trauma, el perdonar es un proceso continuo que dura toda la vida, y no puede ser comenzado sin antes de hacer el duelo por el dolor y lo perdido. De no respetar esto, mandas a la persona nuevamente a la negación, truncando su sanación. – El perdón no puede ser forzado ni apresurado, o habrán efectos colaterales peores. (Vease el libro “Forgiveness is a choice”)
14. Luego de 6 meses trabajando en PATCH, recuerdo sentir que me volvía la felicidad y la paz poco a poco. Luego de un año, me sentía aún mejor. Mientras continuaba mi sanación, procesando situaciones de mi vida, volví a los lugares de mi infancia y niñez tales como Francia y Argentina. Fueron viajes personales junto con mi esposo en las cuales pude enfrentar mis temores y procesar más cosas para experimentar más liberación del dolor. Todo me ayudó a comprender mejor muchas cosas, y el comprender = sanación. La sanación, es un proceso de por vida. La cicatriz siempre queda, pero por lo menos el dolor va menguando al lidiar saludablemente con el problema. El dolor no se va solo con el tiempo, es necesario tratarlo. De lo contrario, con el tiempo empeorará, pues seguirá infectándose con amargura. No puedes sanar sólo; debes hacerlo con la ayuda de un sistema de apoyo, con otras personas, y junto a Dios. Si las personas a quien amas no te apoyan en este proceso, debes poner límites y apartarte, o tu sanación permanecerá truncada, y/o las heridas emocionales pueden empeorar quedándote en situación riesgosa. Si vives con la premisa de que puedes amar tanto a una persona que la vas a cambiar, es un concepto co-dependiente y falso, que sólo ayudará para que seas utilizado vez tras vez. Algunas personas nunca cambian, las pocas que sí lo hacen fue por un milagro, y los seres humanos no pueden hacer milagros, sólo Dios puede. ¡Poniendo límites no es anti-cristiano! No depende de ti poder cambiar o salvar a alguien, depende de la persona en sí y de Dios. La obsesión por cambiar o salvar a un ser amado con problemas es disfuncional, equivocado y un callejón sin salida. Puedes dar tu ejemplo, tu amor con límites, y ofrecer tu ayuda, pero no forzarla, de lo contrario es ridículo y terminarás siendo rechazado y tal vez con violencia, pero ¿cuántos cristianos piensan así? ¡Rompamos la co-dependencia enfermiza!
15. Debido a los traumas sufridos en nuestra niñez y adolescencia y adultez temprana, tanto Angel como yo estábamos aterrorizados acerca del concepto de tener nuestros propios hijos. Por bastante tiempo resolvimos no tener hijos, aunque en el fondo los deseábamos. Pero teníamos terror de traer hijos al mundo para hacerlos sufrir sin razón, o que nos hagan sufrir a nosotros. Estábamos traumados. Luego de trabajar en PATCH más de un año con tantos jóvenes problemáticos, vimos la diferencia y cómo las familias sí pueden ser felices a largo plazo. Aprendimos a reconocer el patrón de disfunción en nuestro árbol genealógico, que venía ya desde 5 generaciones rastreables. ¡El ciclo puede ser cortado! Un nuevo patrón saludable puede ser construido, y no necesitamos pasar la antorcha disfuncional de generaciones pasadas a nuestros hijos. Tuvimos más aconsejamiento psicológico mientras trabajábamos con los jóvenes en PATCH, y entendimos la diferencia. Entonces la idea de tener hijos comenzó a ser agradable.
16. Yéndose el miedo, nuestra ansiedad por tener hijos creció. Pero por todo un año, mes tras mes, no pasó nada. Me llegaron a diagnosticar infértil. Aún recuerdo ver a las niñas de PATCH orando para que tengamos un hijo. Y bueno, nos fuimos de vacaciones a Argentina. Tenía mucho miedo de volver y procesar cosas que no me sentía preparada para lidiar. Pero Dios bendijo y me liberó aún más. Aprendí a poner a algunas personas respetuosamente en su lugar. ¡LIBRE! ¡PAZ! ¡GOZO! ¡EMBARAZADA! ¿QUE???? ¡¡¡Si, sucedió allá!!! Tenía que procesar más cosas antes de quedar embarazada
17. Mi embarazo nos ha dado más sanación y paz… aunque tanto ha cambiado las cosas… ya no trabajo en PATCH, Angel sigue allí. Gracias a Dios me dieron el seguro médico del gobierno, MEDICAID, y todo gasto será cubierto. Es una enorme bendición, pues tener un hijo en EEUU cuesta $6000 dólares sin complicaciones y hasta $200.000 si hay complicaciones o más. Sentimos mucho la paz de Dios en nuestras vidas. Esta es mi historia, pero deberían también escuchar la de Angel. Algún día la contará así también, pues ya la cuenta por otros medios.
18. Hace 2 semanas tuvimos el primer ultrasonido con 20 semanas de embarazo. ¡¡¡Vamos a tener un varoncito!!! Deseamos llamarlo John Lemuel León. El nombre tiene su historia que lo hace más significante para nosotros, vean Proverbios 31.
19. Espero que por lo menos uno de mis hermanos con su esposa puedan llegar a tiempo al nacimiento, (Dany and Marla). Serían los únicos familiares presentes.
20. Si no tengo complicaciones en el 3er trimestre, sueño con un parto bajo agua. ¡¡¡Estamos tan expectantes!!! La fecha está para mediados de Junio.
21. El libro “Forgiveness is a choice” me ha ayudado a expresar un resumen de mi vida: “Mirando hacia atrás, me doy cuenta que nunca habría podido encarar todo a la misma vez. No era suficientemente fuerte (como para enfrentar tanto dolor que me hizo permanecer en negación tantos años hasta que no pude más). La primera vez fue la más difícil. Pero después solo aplicaba lo que he aprendido.”
22. De la misma fuente: “ya no estoy cansada todo el tiempo,… mi vida está en orden. La relación con mi esposo es hermosa. Recuerdo aquellos momentos en que estaba tan deprimida que no podía imaginar volver a ser feliz alguna vez, pero ahora es como que le sucedió a otra persona. No soy más la misma. Durante los momentos duros recordé el pasaje del profeta Joel: “He restaurado los años comidos por las langostas.” Sentí que mi vida había sido como un campo dejado pelado por las langostas y que Dios me había renovado, así la gente ya no me veía como la víctima que era, sino como la persona que habría sido.
23. PATCH nos dio un nuevo comienzo. Al ayudar a jóvenes problemáticos con sus propios traumas muchos peores que los nuestros, hemos sanado nosotros más aún. Tenemos sed de ayudar a más y más personas con problemas de familia. No somos psicólogos ni consejeros profesionales, pero Angel está terminando su Maestría en Ciencias de la Familia y anhela ser consejero y ayudar a las familias. Por mi parte, terminé mi Maestría en Salud Pública, me gradúo el 1 de marzo. Tuve una materia llamada Salud Familiar que me capacitó mucho para saber qué hacer en ciertos casos y cómo contactar a una víctima con más profesionales que la puedan ayudar mejor. Necesitamos despertar, se necesitan más trabajadores en ésta área, pues no se da a vasto con todas las historias, experiencias, traumas y ayuda que pide la gente. Nuestra iglesia está muy atrasada en este punto, y generalmente no tiene idea de cómo lidiar con una crisis familiar. Usualmente terminan condenando a la víctima, dejándola sin ayuda y con alas quebradas, haciéndola sentir culpable y excusando al agresor. Es una gran razón por la cual tantos abandonan la iglesia en estos días. El significado del perdón y su proceso no se comprende y es apresurado, creando más caos. El agresor necesita ser hecho responsable de sus acciones, recordando también que Dios todavía lo ama. Todos tienen el derecho de aprender las cosas bien cuando las aprendieron mal originalmente. Esto debe cambiar. Necesitamos escuchar con atención a los demás sin juzgar cada vez más y así poder hacer la obra que Dios nos manda realizar con mayor eficacia.
24. En estas últimas semanas, por lo menos 5 personas en Facebook nos han abierto sus vidas y contado sus duras y terribles historias. 5 personas más nos contaron sus historias fuera de Facebook. Vemos el comienzo de una nueva obra abrirse ante nosotros. Aconsejamos lo que podemos, pero no dejamos de recomendar a buenos psicólogos cristianos y grupos de apoyo mientras nos seguimos preparando nosotros mismos en esta rama.
25. Si necesitas ayuda pídela. No pongas toda tu confianza en una sola persona, pues somos todos falibles. Pide a varios. Dios tiene a sus trabajadores aquí en la tierra para que nos ayudemos los unos a los otros. Todos necesitamos ver algún psicólogo cristiano en algún momento en nuestras vidas. La mayoría de los pastores no están capacitados para ayudar en ésta área, aunque algunos sí. Búscalos. Si te aíslas de tus problemas y permaneces en negación, sólo te llevará a más disfunción y sufrimiento. Debes perder el miedo y confiar en personas saludables que puedan ayudarte y sólo así podrás sanar y volver a encontrar la paz y felicidad y ser el potencial que Dios siempre vio en ti.Vemos este nuestro ministerio ahora. Que Dios ayude y dirija. Sus oraciones serán agradecidas y apreciadas.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
25 things about me, to share on Facebook.
I was tagged in Facebook to post 25 things about me, but ended writing my testimony instead. It's too long, so I'm sharing it here with you.
25 things about me:
1. I was born in Strasbourg, France in February 13, 1979 from Argentinean parents. No, I’m not fluent in French as I am with English and Spanish, but I can manage some. When I was 3 we moved to Collonges, southern France, where my Dad taught Theology.
2. Ministry runs in my family. My maternal great grandfather was a German Salvation Army Minister and Missionary who went to open churches in Uruguay and Argentina. Both my grandfathers were pastors, as well as my Dad and my husband also.
3. I have 2 younger brothers whom I love a lot: Daniel and Roy. I’m also glad they have each given me sisters-in-laws: Marla and Naty.
4. My childhood consisted of moving every 1 to 3 years. I’ve lived in Puerto Rico, California, then in a motor home for a whole year, the 5 of us lived from coast to coast in the US, until we eventually established ourselves in Columbia, Maryland. Dad later sent me to Argentina so I wouldn’t forget my roots when I was 14, and each time I came to visit, my parents lived elsewhere: Maryland, Colombia (South America), Florida, New York, Massachussets, and Georgia.
5. Life in Argentina: I remember this part as the most stable. I lived there 13 years, mostly with my paternal grandparents whom I eventually ended considering my raising parents. They gave me everything, especially what I needed the most to truly thrive, although in the process I admit I was spoiled a bit.
6. I finished my High School and College in Argentina. Became a Registered Nurse. Later came to the US and passed my boards here. Most of my nursing experience was in Georgia, New Mexico, Florida, but especially in Oregon.
7. While still in High School, on my senior year, God told me and Angel we were meant for each other, and after dating 2 years and 2 months we married. Though we aren't perfect, I can say that my life has been better and happier since. Last November 29, we celebrated our 10 year anniversary!
8. In 2003, right after graduating from our degrees in 2002, we served as missionaries among the Navajo Native Americans at La Vida Mission, New Mexico. We were house parents of 7 little Indian boys, whom we got to love a lot. I also helped in the clinic and Angel in the greenhouse and in the school. It was such a challenging yet good experience. We still miss that place and want to go back and visit it.
9. After moving to Oregon, then back to Argentina, the last 2 years I spent in Argentina were troublesome. First, my health became a huge battle in 2004, then in 2005, some of my family and relatives and me got into a big feud, where verbal, emotional, spiritual and in one case physical violence occurred. The emotional injuries created were so big, the distance between us still remains.
10. Years 2005 and 2006 were the hardest years of my life as I struggled with depression to the point I was afraid of hurting myself. My family was broken. Other relatives and even counselors advised me even not to go to my brothers’ weddings because retaliation and more pain would take place between relatives. What I needed to do was heal, not get worse. I am forever thankful that even though my brothers may not understand all of the problem, they decided not to hold this against me.
11. By the end of 2006, I was finally starting to feel healing. God made the miracle and sent us (Angel and me) to where we had to be to heal from all our past traumas. We came to work at http://www.projectpatch.org/ a place for youth at risk. We still loved ministry. In working with these kids, whose life stories are usually a lot more intense than ours, we were forced to look into our own issues and deal with them. Thus, as we saw the kids heal, we ourselves were healing too.
12. Through Patch, counseling, pastoral talks, friends’ support networks, self help books, we were able to learn the following things for our own healing: We live in a dysfunctional world, thus, every single family is dysfunctional, some to more degree than others, but all experience problems. Some can be incapacitating, others easier to get through the traumas. Whoever doesn’t want to see this, lives in denial or suppression which is not healthy.
13. Before I would be able to do a true forgiving process, I had to understand the following things: - true guilt vs. false guilt, - forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation for these 2 concepts are very different, - forgive and forget is a myth, a dysfunction understanding even within Christians. Forgetting the past never heals the pain with its consequences. The past has made who you are today. Forgetting it, only shuts you in denial and ships you toward another spin in an abusive dysfunctional continuing cycle. – Forgiveness has nothing to do with excusing the aggressor, it has to do with releasing your own anger and bitterness and hurt from yourself so you are able to experience peace and happiness once again. – Forgiveness can’t be done once and for all; depending on the severity of the trauma, forgiveness is an ongoing process that takes a lifetime, and can’t be commenced until true grieving has taken place, lest you send the person back into denial. Forgiveness can’t be rushed or counter-productiveness will result. (See the book “Forgiveness is a choice”).
14. After 6 months at Patch, I remember feeling happy again and regaining my peace little by little. After a year, I was even better. I kept working on my healing, even went to places to review my childhood and life such as France and Argentina, to face my fears again and process more things to experience more freedom from pain. It all helped me to understand, and understanding = healing. Healing is still, a lifetime process, the scar always stays, but at
least the pain lessens as you deal with it. Pain does not go away with time, unless you deal with it. If not dealt with, it will only get worse. You can’t heal by yourself either, you need to do it along with a support system as with God. If people you love aren’t supportive in this process, boundaries need to be taken, or healing will remain stunted, and/or emotional injuries could get worse. Living on the premise that you can love someone so much so that they change is codependent and false and enables you to keep being used. Some people never change, the few that have did so because of a miracle, and humans can’t produce miracles, only God can. Putting limits and boundaries aren't a bad thing, aren’t considered antichristian! It’s not up to you to change or save someone, it’s up to that person and God. Being obsessed about changing someone is dysfunctional and wrong and a dead end in itself. Rational detachment is what is needed in cases like these.
15. Because of all our childhood and teenage and young adult traumas, both Angel and I were terrified at having our own kids. For some time we had resolved not to have any, even though deep down we desired kids. We didn’t want to bring kids into this world to make them suffer for no reason, nor have them make us suffer either. We were traumatized. After working at Patch for over a year, we realized and learned the difference, how kids and families can actually be happy, long term. We realized that the pattern of dysfuctionality traced back up to 5 generations that we’d heard of, could be stopped, and a new pattern could be built, thus, we needed not keep passing the dysfunctional torch to our kids. With more counseling, and learning how to deal with teenagers at Patch, we learned the difference and that helped us get more at ease with the idea of having our own kids.
16. Not being afraid of having kids anymore, our excitement grew, but for a whole year, month after month, nothing happened. I was even diagnosed with infertility, bummer! I even remember the girls at PATCH praying for us to have a baby. Well, we planned our vacation back to Argentina. I was so afraid to go back to process things I wasn’t sure I was ready to. But God blessed and I felt free. I learned to respectfully put some concerned people in their place. FREE!!! PEACE!!! JOY!!! PREGNANT!!! WHAT??? Yes, it happened there!!! I had to do this before I got pregnant.
17. Pregnancy has brought more healing and peace. Though it changed so much already: I don’t work at Patch anymore, at least I got Medicaid, we are seeing God’s grace in our lives. This is my story, but you should also know Angel’s. Hopefully he’ll write his side too when tagged.
18. We watched our first ultrasound at 20 weeks, 2 weeks ago. We’re having a baby boy!!! We plan to name him John Lemuel Leon. The name has its story behind it which makes it more significant. See Proverbs 31.
19. I hope that at least one of my brothers and sister-in-law, (Daniel and Marla) can make it to the birthing. They would be the only family there.
20. If I have no complications, I’m planning a water birth at the family birthing center in Nampa, Idaho. We’re soooooooo excited!
21. The book “Forgiveness is a choice” has helped me express this summary of my life: “Looking back, I realize that I could not have faced everything at once. I wasn’t strong enough [to face so much pain, thus I kept myself in denial for years until I could no more]. The first time was the toughest. After that it was just applying what I had learned.”
22. From same source: “I am no longer tired all the time,… my life is in order. My relationship with my husband is terrific. I can remember a time when I was so depressed I couldn't imagine ever being happy, but it’s as though it happened to someone else. I am not that person any more. During the difficult forgiveness process, I held onto a line of scripture from the book of Joel: “I have restored the years the locusts have eaten.” I felt that my life was like a field eaten clean by locusts and that God remade me, so that people don’t see the victim I was, but the
person I would have been.
23. Patch was a new starting point in our lives. Helping youth, has lead us to want to help others even more. We aren't counselors, though Angel is doing a Master’s in Family Sciences, preparing himself to be a counselor someday. With my Master’s in Public Health, I’ve studied Family Health. I’d like to help coach and refer harder cases to professional counselors. We need to wake up and more of us need to help, for we see the church very behind in this area, not knowing how to deal with family crisis, usually condemning the victim without offering help, making them feel guilty and excusing the aggressor, reason why so many are leaving the church these days.
Forgiveness is misunderstood and rushed and then more chaos comes. The aggressor needs to be held accountable for his or her actions, yet always remembering that God still cares for this person. Everyone needs to learn it right when we’ve originally learned it wrong. This needs to change and we need to lend a caring, listening ear to each other all the more in order to do God’s work the way He’d like us to.
24. At least 5 people in Facebook have opened their lives to us with their very tough stories. We see the beginning of our new direction growing. At least 5 more, outside Facebook. We coach what we can, and we also advise to look for good Christian counselors and support groups.
25. If you need help, ask, but don’t rely on 1 human alone. Nobody is perfect. God has his workers on earth to help each other. We all need counselors from time to time and support groups. Isolation and denial just leads to more dysfunction. Not fearing to be open toward safe people is what helps heal. We see this our ministry now. May God help. Your prayers will be appreciated.
25 things about me:
1. I was born in Strasbourg, France in February 13, 1979 from Argentinean parents. No, I’m not fluent in French as I am with English and Spanish, but I can manage some. When I was 3 we moved to Collonges, southern France, where my Dad taught Theology.
2. Ministry runs in my family. My maternal great grandfather was a German Salvation Army Minister and Missionary who went to open churches in Uruguay and Argentina. Both my grandfathers were pastors, as well as my Dad and my husband also.
3. I have 2 younger brothers whom I love a lot: Daniel and Roy. I’m also glad they have each given me sisters-in-laws: Marla and Naty.
4. My childhood consisted of moving every 1 to 3 years. I’ve lived in Puerto Rico, California, then in a motor home for a whole year, the 5 of us lived from coast to coast in the US, until we eventually established ourselves in Columbia, Maryland. Dad later sent me to Argentina so I wouldn’t forget my roots when I was 14, and each time I came to visit, my parents lived elsewhere: Maryland, Colombia (South America), Florida, New York, Massachussets, and Georgia.
5. Life in Argentina: I remember this part as the most stable. I lived there 13 years, mostly with my paternal grandparents whom I eventually ended considering my raising parents. They gave me everything, especially what I needed the most to truly thrive, although in the process I admit I was spoiled a bit.
6. I finished my High School and College in Argentina. Became a Registered Nurse. Later came to the US and passed my boards here. Most of my nursing experience was in Georgia, New Mexico, Florida, but especially in Oregon.
7. While still in High School, on my senior year, God told me and Angel we were meant for each other, and after dating 2 years and 2 months we married. Though we aren't perfect, I can say that my life has been better and happier since. Last November 29, we celebrated our 10 year anniversary!
8. In 2003, right after graduating from our degrees in 2002, we served as missionaries among the Navajo Native Americans at La Vida Mission, New Mexico. We were house parents of 7 little Indian boys, whom we got to love a lot. I also helped in the clinic and Angel in the greenhouse and in the school. It was such a challenging yet good experience. We still miss that place and want to go back and visit it.
9. After moving to Oregon, then back to Argentina, the last 2 years I spent in Argentina were troublesome. First, my health became a huge battle in 2004, then in 2005, some of my family and relatives and me got into a big feud, where verbal, emotional, spiritual and in one case physical violence occurred. The emotional injuries created were so big, the distance between us still remains.
10. Years 2005 and 2006 were the hardest years of my life as I struggled with depression to the point I was afraid of hurting myself. My family was broken. Other relatives and even counselors advised me even not to go to my brothers’ weddings because retaliation and more pain would take place between relatives. What I needed to do was heal, not get worse. I am forever thankful that even though my brothers may not understand all of the problem, they decided not to hold this against me.
11. By the end of 2006, I was finally starting to feel healing. God made the miracle and sent us (Angel and me) to where we had to be to heal from all our past traumas. We came to work at http://www.projectpatch.org/ a place for youth at risk. We still loved ministry. In working with these kids, whose life stories are usually a lot more intense than ours, we were forced to look into our own issues and deal with them. Thus, as we saw the kids heal, we ourselves were healing too.
12. Through Patch, counseling, pastoral talks, friends’ support networks, self help books, we were able to learn the following things for our own healing: We live in a dysfunctional world, thus, every single family is dysfunctional, some to more degree than others, but all experience problems. Some can be incapacitating, others easier to get through the traumas. Whoever doesn’t want to see this, lives in denial or suppression which is not healthy.
13. Before I would be able to do a true forgiving process, I had to understand the following things: - true guilt vs. false guilt, - forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation for these 2 concepts are very different, - forgive and forget is a myth, a dysfunction understanding even within Christians. Forgetting the past never heals the pain with its consequences. The past has made who you are today. Forgetting it, only shuts you in denial and ships you toward another spin in an abusive dysfunctional continuing cycle. – Forgiveness has nothing to do with excusing the aggressor, it has to do with releasing your own anger and bitterness and hurt from yourself so you are able to experience peace and happiness once again. – Forgiveness can’t be done once and for all; depending on the severity of the trauma, forgiveness is an ongoing process that takes a lifetime, and can’t be commenced until true grieving has taken place, lest you send the person back into denial. Forgiveness can’t be rushed or counter-productiveness will result. (See the book “Forgiveness is a choice”).
14. After 6 months at Patch, I remember feeling happy again and regaining my peace little by little. After a year, I was even better. I kept working on my healing, even went to places to review my childhood and life such as France and Argentina, to face my fears again and process more things to experience more freedom from pain. It all helped me to understand, and understanding = healing. Healing is still, a lifetime process, the scar always stays, but at
least the pain lessens as you deal with it. Pain does not go away with time, unless you deal with it. If not dealt with, it will only get worse. You can’t heal by yourself either, you need to do it along with a support system as with God. If people you love aren’t supportive in this process, boundaries need to be taken, or healing will remain stunted, and/or emotional injuries could get worse. Living on the premise that you can love someone so much so that they change is codependent and false and enables you to keep being used. Some people never change, the few that have did so because of a miracle, and humans can’t produce miracles, only God can. Putting limits and boundaries aren't a bad thing, aren’t considered antichristian! It’s not up to you to change or save someone, it’s up to that person and God. Being obsessed about changing someone is dysfunctional and wrong and a dead end in itself. Rational detachment is what is needed in cases like these.
15. Because of all our childhood and teenage and young adult traumas, both Angel and I were terrified at having our own kids. For some time we had resolved not to have any, even though deep down we desired kids. We didn’t want to bring kids into this world to make them suffer for no reason, nor have them make us suffer either. We were traumatized. After working at Patch for over a year, we realized and learned the difference, how kids and families can actually be happy, long term. We realized that the pattern of dysfuctionality traced back up to 5 generations that we’d heard of, could be stopped, and a new pattern could be built, thus, we needed not keep passing the dysfunctional torch to our kids. With more counseling, and learning how to deal with teenagers at Patch, we learned the difference and that helped us get more at ease with the idea of having our own kids.
16. Not being afraid of having kids anymore, our excitement grew, but for a whole year, month after month, nothing happened. I was even diagnosed with infertility, bummer! I even remember the girls at PATCH praying for us to have a baby. Well, we planned our vacation back to Argentina. I was so afraid to go back to process things I wasn’t sure I was ready to. But God blessed and I felt free. I learned to respectfully put some concerned people in their place. FREE!!! PEACE!!! JOY!!! PREGNANT!!! WHAT??? Yes, it happened there!!! I had to do this before I got pregnant.
17. Pregnancy has brought more healing and peace. Though it changed so much already: I don’t work at Patch anymore, at least I got Medicaid, we are seeing God’s grace in our lives. This is my story, but you should also know Angel’s. Hopefully he’ll write his side too when tagged.
18. We watched our first ultrasound at 20 weeks, 2 weeks ago. We’re having a baby boy!!! We plan to name him John Lemuel Leon. The name has its story behind it which makes it more significant. See Proverbs 31.
19. I hope that at least one of my brothers and sister-in-law, (Daniel and Marla) can make it to the birthing. They would be the only family there.
20. If I have no complications, I’m planning a water birth at the family birthing center in Nampa, Idaho. We’re soooooooo excited!
21. The book “Forgiveness is a choice” has helped me express this summary of my life: “Looking back, I realize that I could not have faced everything at once. I wasn’t strong enough [to face so much pain, thus I kept myself in denial for years until I could no more]. The first time was the toughest. After that it was just applying what I had learned.”
22. From same source: “I am no longer tired all the time,… my life is in order. My relationship with my husband is terrific. I can remember a time when I was so depressed I couldn't imagine ever being happy, but it’s as though it happened to someone else. I am not that person any more. During the difficult forgiveness process, I held onto a line of scripture from the book of Joel: “I have restored the years the locusts have eaten.” I felt that my life was like a field eaten clean by locusts and that God remade me, so that people don’t see the victim I was, but the
person I would have been.
23. Patch was a new starting point in our lives. Helping youth, has lead us to want to help others even more. We aren't counselors, though Angel is doing a Master’s in Family Sciences, preparing himself to be a counselor someday. With my Master’s in Public Health, I’ve studied Family Health. I’d like to help coach and refer harder cases to professional counselors. We need to wake up and more of us need to help, for we see the church very behind in this area, not knowing how to deal with family crisis, usually condemning the victim without offering help, making them feel guilty and excusing the aggressor, reason why so many are leaving the church these days.
Forgiveness is misunderstood and rushed and then more chaos comes. The aggressor needs to be held accountable for his or her actions, yet always remembering that God still cares for this person. Everyone needs to learn it right when we’ve originally learned it wrong. This needs to change and we need to lend a caring, listening ear to each other all the more in order to do God’s work the way He’d like us to.
24. At least 5 people in Facebook have opened their lives to us with their very tough stories. We see the beginning of our new direction growing. At least 5 more, outside Facebook. We coach what we can, and we also advise to look for good Christian counselors and support groups.
25. If you need help, ask, but don’t rely on 1 human alone. Nobody is perfect. God has his workers on earth to help each other. We all need counselors from time to time and support groups. Isolation and denial just leads to more dysfunction. Not fearing to be open toward safe people is what helps heal. We see this our ministry now. May God help. Your prayers will be appreciated.
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