25 things about me, to share on Facebook.

I was tagged in Facebook to post 25 things about me, but ended writing my testimony instead. It's too long, so I'm sharing it here with you.

25 things about me:
1. I was born in Strasbourg, France in February 13, 1979 from Argentinean parents. No, I’m not fluent in French as I am with English and Spanish, but I can manage some. When I was 3 we moved to Collonges, southern France, where my Dad taught Theology.

2. Ministry runs in my family. My maternal great grandfather was a German Salvation Army Minister and Missionary who went to open churches in Uruguay and Argentina. Both my grandfathers were pastors, as well as my Dad and my husband also.

3. I have 2 younger brothers whom I love a lot: Daniel and Roy. I’m also glad they have each given me sisters-in-laws: Marla and Naty.

4. My childhood consisted of moving every 1 to 3 years. I’ve lived in Puerto Rico, California, then in a motor home for a whole year, the 5 of us lived from coast to coast in the US, until we eventually established ourselves in Columbia, Maryland. Dad later sent me to Argentina so I wouldn’t forget my roots when I was 14, and each time I came to visit, my parents lived elsewhere: Maryland, Colombia (South America), Florida, New York, Massachussets, and Georgia.

5. Life in Argentina: I remember this part as the most stable. I lived there 13 years, mostly with my paternal grandparents whom I eventually ended considering my raising parents. They gave me everything, especially what I needed the most to truly thrive, although in the process I admit I was spoiled a bit.

6. I finished my High School and College in Argentina. Became a Registered Nurse. Later came to the US and passed my boards here. Most of my nursing experience was in Georgia, New Mexico, Florida, but especially in Oregon.

7. While still in High School, on my senior year, God told me and Angel we were meant for each other, and after dating 2 years and 2 months we married. Though we aren't perfect, I can say that my life has been better and happier since. Last November 29, we celebrated our 10 year anniversary!

8. In 2003, right after graduating from our degrees in 2002, we served as missionaries among the Navajo Native Americans at La Vida Mission, New Mexico. We were house parents of 7 little Indian boys, whom we got to love a lot. I also helped in the clinic and Angel in the greenhouse and in the school. It was such a challenging yet good experience. We still miss that place and want to go back and visit it.

9. After moving to Oregon, then back to Argentina, the last 2 years I spent in Argentina were troublesome. First, my health became a huge battle in 2004, then in 2005, some of my family and relatives and me got into a big feud, where verbal, emotional, spiritual and in one case physical violence occurred. The emotional injuries created were so big, the distance between us still remains.

10. Years 2005 and 2006 were the hardest years of my life as I struggled with depression to the point I was afraid of hurting myself. My family was broken. Other relatives and even counselors advised me even not to go to my brothers’ weddings because retaliation and more pain would take place between relatives. What I needed to do was heal, not get worse. I am forever thankful that even though my brothers may not understand all of the problem, they decided not to hold this against me.

11. By the end of 2006, I was finally starting to feel healing. God made the miracle and sent us (Angel and me) to where we had to be to heal from all our past traumas. We came to work at http://www.projectpatch.org/ a place for youth at risk. We still loved ministry. In working with these kids, whose life stories are usually a lot more intense than ours, we were forced to look into our own issues and deal with them. Thus, as we saw the kids heal, we ourselves were healing too.
12. Through Patch, counseling, pastoral talks, friends’ support networks, self help books, we were able to learn the following things for our own healing: We live in a dysfunctional world, thus, every single family is dysfunctional, some to more degree than others, but all experience problems. Some can be incapacitating, others easier to get through the traumas. Whoever doesn’t want to see this, lives in denial or suppression which is not healthy.

13. Before I would be able to do a true forgiving process, I had to understand the following things: - true guilt vs. false guilt, - forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation for these 2 concepts are very different, - forgive and forget is a myth, a dysfunction understanding even within Christians. Forgetting the past never heals the pain with its consequences. The past has made who you are today. Forgetting it, only shuts you in denial and ships you toward another spin in an abusive dysfunctional continuing cycle. – Forgiveness has nothing to do with excusing the aggressor, it has to do with releasing your own anger and bitterness and hurt from yourself so you are able to experience peace and happiness once again. – Forgiveness can’t be done once and for all; depending on the severity of the trauma, forgiveness is an ongoing process that takes a lifetime, and can’t be commenced until true grieving has taken place, lest you send the person back into denial. Forgiveness can’t be rushed or counter-productiveness will result. (See the book “Forgiveness is a choice”).

14. After 6 months at Patch, I remember feeling happy again and regaining my peace little by little. After a year, I was even better. I kept working on my healing, even went to places to review my childhood and life such as France and Argentina, to face my fears again and process more things to experience more freedom from pain. It all helped me to understand, and understanding = healing. Healing is still, a lifetime process, the scar always stays, but at
least the pain lessens as you deal with it. Pain does not go away with time, unless you deal with it. If not dealt with, it will only get worse. You can’t heal by yourself either, you need to do it along with a support system as with God. If people you love aren’t supportive in this process, boundaries need to be taken, or healing will remain stunted, and/or emotional injuries could get worse. Living on the premise that you can love someone so much so that they change is codependent and false and enables you to keep being used. Some people never change, the few that have did so because of a miracle, and humans can’t produce miracles, only God can. Putting limits and boundaries aren't a bad thing, aren’t considered antichristian! It’s not up to you to change or save someone, it’s up to that person and God. Being obsessed about changing someone is dysfunctional and wrong and a dead end in itself. Rational detachment is what is needed in cases like these.

15. Because of all our childhood and teenage and young adult traumas, both Angel and I were terrified at having our own kids. For some time we had resolved not to have any, even though deep down we desired kids. We didn’t want to bring kids into this world to make them suffer for no reason, nor have them make us suffer either. We were traumatized. After working at Patch for over a year, we realized and learned the difference, how kids and families can actually be happy, long term. We realized that the pattern of dysfuctionality traced back up to 5 generations that we’d heard of, could be stopped, and a new pattern could be built, thus, we needed not keep passing the dysfunctional torch to our kids. With more counseling, and learning how to deal with teenagers at Patch, we learned the difference and that helped us get more at ease with the idea of having our own kids.

16. Not being afraid of having kids anymore, our excitement grew, but for a whole year, month after month, nothing happened. I was even diagnosed with infertility, bummer! I even remember the girls at PATCH praying for us to have a baby. Well, we planned our vacation back to Argentina. I was so afraid to go back to process things I wasn’t sure I was ready to. But God blessed and I felt free. I learned to respectfully put some concerned people in their place. FREE!!! PEACE!!! JOY!!! PREGNANT!!! WHAT??? Yes, it happened there!!! I had to do this before I got pregnant.

17. Pregnancy has brought more healing and peace. Though it changed so much already: I don’t work at Patch anymore, at least I got Medicaid, we are seeing God’s grace in our lives. This is my story, but you should also know Angel’s. Hopefully he’ll write his side too when tagged.

18. We watched our first ultrasound at 20 weeks, 2 weeks ago. We’re having a baby boy!!! We plan to name him John Lemuel Leon. The name has its story behind it which makes it more significant. See Proverbs 31.

19. I hope that at least one of my brothers and sister-in-law, (Daniel and Marla) can make it to the birthing. They would be the only family there.

20. If I have no complications, I’m planning a water birth at the family birthing center in Nampa, Idaho. We’re soooooooo excited!

21. The book “Forgiveness is a choice” has helped me express this summary of my life: “Looking back, I realize that I could not have faced everything at once. I wasn’t strong enough [to face so much pain, thus I kept myself in denial for years until I could no more]. The first time was the toughest. After that it was just applying what I had learned.”

22. From same source: “I am no longer tired all the time,… my life is in order. My relationship with my husband is terrific. I can remember a time when I was so depressed I couldn't imagine ever being happy, but it’s as though it happened to someone else. I am not that person any more. During the difficult forgiveness process, I held onto a line of scripture from the book of Joel: “I have restored the years the locusts have eaten.” I felt that my life was like a field eaten clean by locusts and that God remade me, so that people don’t see the victim I was, but the
person I would have been.

23. Patch was a new starting point in our lives. Helping youth, has lead us to want to help others even more. We aren't counselors, though Angel is doing a Master’s in Family Sciences, preparing himself to be a counselor someday. With my Master’s in Public Health, I’ve studied Family Health. I’d like to help coach and refer harder cases to professional counselors. We need to wake up and more of us need to help, for we see the church very behind in this area, not knowing how to deal with family crisis, usually condemning the victim without offering help, making them feel guilty and excusing the aggressor, reason why so many are leaving the church these days.
Forgiveness is misunderstood and rushed and then more chaos comes. The aggressor needs to be held accountable for his or her actions, yet always remembering that God still cares for this person. Everyone needs to learn it right when we’ve originally learned it wrong. This needs to change and we need to lend a caring, listening ear to each other all the more in order to do God’s work the way He’d like us to.

24. At least 5 people in Facebook have opened their lives to us with their very tough stories. We see the beginning of our new direction growing. At least 5 more, outside Facebook. We coach what we can, and we also advise to look for good Christian counselors and support groups.

25. If you need help, ask, but don’t rely on 1 human alone. Nobody is perfect. God has his workers on earth to help each other. We all need counselors from time to time and support groups. Isolation and denial just leads to more dysfunction. Not fearing to be open toward safe people is what helps heal. We see this our ministry now. May God help. Your prayers will be appreciated.